[Valid Atom 1.0] Life With Cake: Eating Disorder Blog: Conscious Contact with Reality

Monday, June 29, 2009

Conscious Contact with Reality

Hi Everyone,

Today I'm focusing on "reality," which is something ED hates. Reality tells me that it's okay to be a "normal" weight, and reminds me that while the isolation of living in the ED mindset can feel comforting and powerful, it is all an illusion... the same way our minds play tricks on us to tell us we're fat.

Reality, for me, is about honesty. I know I post a lot about honesty, but isn't that what it's all about? When I tell myself, "It's okay, you don't need to eat," when I'm physically hungry, or when I tell myself, "Just finish the rest, you can start again tomorrow," when I'm holding my stomach because I'm clearly full, I'm not living an honest recovery.

Today, I'm trying to live in reality and listen to what the quiet ED voices in my head are saying, because when I listen to the subtle voices--the voices that seem like no big deal, but could actually be the most seductive, insidious, and manipulative voices--I eventually start listening to the overt ED messages that send me straight to the grocery store or to the toilet.

For today, having conscious contact with reality means to eat what's on my food plan, don't listen to ED voices that will only sabotage my recovery and make me feel guilty, and to have the COURAGE to either pick up or put down the fork when I cross over to emotional eating.

Recovery teaches me everyday that it is really just one day at a time.


Silly Girl said...

The ED hates reality because this means that you are doing everything in your power to overcome it. I feel your pain sister. I hear those voices a lot. Mostly in the morning before I get out of bed. It's like the ED is trying to hijack my day planner. It's not easy but I know you can do it.

Wrapped up in Life said...

This was one of the most thought-provoking posts I have seen in a while. Your first observation about the ED hating reality...wow. I couldn't have said it any better.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very inspiring!

Egg Beaten Angel said...

You're totally right! The attitude ED-ers get is that they can be anything they want as long as they work for it--which is a positive thing when applied anywhere else--but here it comes with so many harmful consequences.