[Valid Atom 1.0] Life With Cake: Eating Disorder Blog: The Big Apple...Oh, How Sweet It Is!

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Big Apple...Oh, How Sweet It Is!

I can't believe I'm actually back in NYC! The last time I lived here, 8 years ago, I was at the pinnacle of my dance career. Unfortunately, my bulimia was building an impressive resume as well. Back then, I spent every hour, every minute, and every second of my existence obsessing about food, inhaling bags and boxes of this food or that food, and hunching over the toilet (or anything that could hold vomit) to undue the damage done by my "lack of willpower," the culprit of my problems.

While my disordered eating caused me to give away my dance career, I have the fortunate opportunity of being granted a "do-over"--not with my dance career, but rather, with graduate school, and living in my favorite city the way I originally envisioned it... abstinent.

So, now that I've been here for, oh, three days, I can say things are definitely different. I am present. I am not obsessing about food. I am not bingeing and purging. I am not spending my days comparing myself to the skinnier women who pass me on the streets (well, maybe a little). I am no longer looking for "thinspiration."

It's funny how, over time, abstinent eating causes one's perspective to change. Anorexia is no longer attractive to me, nor is it a goal I aspire to obtain.

Today I get to taste life...oh, how sweet it is.

2 comments:

Roxie said...

I have an award for you on my blog. If you don't participate in awards, no problem. There's no pressure.

I'd love to interview you for my blog. Please let me know if you are willing.

Recovery Rocks!

Roxie

You are invited to sign the Recovery Wall
http://recoveryrocks.today.com/recovery-wall

Greta said...

I'd love to interview for your blog! Please let me know the next steps.

Take Care!

Greta